This Is Now
by Prolific Reider
Summary: Two hours: the time that passed between the first shots ringing through millennial park that faithful day and the final patients being stabilised at Gaffney Med. A lot can change in two hours; Connor is about to learn that in the most unexpected way possible. An AU take on 3x18. RHEKKER.
1. Prolouge

**AN: hello fellow Rhekker shippers! I'm back with another story for you. Shout out to Rhekkerunicorn for sending me a prompt that resulted in this little creation. Thank you!**

 **This chapter is a prologue and is a bit dark. It will make more sense as you read the story on, I promise. Reviews and constructive criticism are highly appreciated!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own NBC or Chicago Med. All rights belong to Derek Haas, Michael Brandt and Dick Wolf and co.**

* * *

After Lexi's mum knocked three times on their neighbour's door, the door swung inwards, revealing an excited-looking kid the same age as the pouting girl; her best friend Sadie, and her best friend's mother, Sam.

Ignoring everyone, Lexi crossed her arms and stormed into the sitting room. She dramatically threw herself down onto the sofa.

Sadie looked confused at her friend's demeanour and held up a thumb to ask if everything was ok. The girl shook her head, still glowering.

"Here we go; one grumpy kid, her backpack and some money for lunch" she heard her mother say wearily, handing the backpack to Sam before running a hand through her blonde curls.

Sam looked from the adult at the door to Lexi. She frowned while asking, "What's up with her?"

"She's mad that I have to go to work…" Lexi's mum explained sheepishly.

Sam tut-tutted towards Lexi. "No need to sulk about that, Lexi!"

Before Lexi could answer back, the retort already on the tip of her tongue, her mother quickly defused the situation by interjecting with; "So, where are you taking Lexi and Sadie today? It's gonna be a beautiful day, isn't it?"

The neighbour happily replied; "I know the girls love the sea, so I'm going to take them to the pier. And if everyone is well-behaved…"

She gave Lexi a pointed look.

"… then we'll get ice-cream!"

"Ice-cream! Yummy, huh!"

But Lexi ignored her mother's attempt to get her to cheer up.

With a sigh, the young woman crossed the threshold and squatted in front of her daughter.

"Come on, sweetie, I know you were hoping I'd get the day off. Don't you think I wanted that too? I'm sorry." she said softly.

When she got no reply, she added, "Let's not leave with such an ugly atmosphere between us. And don't spoil your day because of this."

Lexi still refused to make eye contact, instead she steadily stared past her mum's shoulder at the door. The door through which her mum would soon leave without her to go to work while she stayed with Sadie and Sam.

The blonde woman squeezed her daughter's knees, trying to get her to acknowledge her.

"Look, I'll be home by 5 pm. Afterwards, I'll take you out for a bike ride through the park. We'll watch the sun set and have a picnic by the pond."

"But I wanted to spend the _whole_ day at the park. You _promised_ we'd spend the whole day at the park, _together"_ she whined.

"I know baby, I know." Her mother sounded pained.

Deep down, despite the hurt and anger she felt, Lexi knew that her mother had no choice in the matter and that pouting didn't do anyone any good.

They seemed to be at an impasse.

Finally, Lexi relented and she met her mother's gaze.

"You _promise_ to take me this evening?"

"I do."

"And will you buy me ice-cream?" she asked, still sounding a bit begrudged.

"You're already gonna have an ice-cream with Sadie!" her mum reminded her with a grin.

She shrugged; "Can't I have 2? One with her, one with you?"

"You can" she decided, still smiling fondly. "Come here" she added, pulling the girl down to her for a goodbye hug.

"I love you, peanut" her mum said as she pulled away. She pressed a kiss on either cheek before letting go of the girl.

Lexi mumbled, "I love you too, Leguminosae."

Her mum grinned at that. Lexi had always been confused about the nickname peanut and hadn't simply accepted it. So, once she'd quizzed her mum about where a peanut came from. 'Peanut plant' hadn't satisfied her, so then she'd asked which _family_ a peanut came from. When her mum informed her that a peanut came from the Leguminosae family, the reverse nickname was born. It became their special way of addressing each other.

Ruffling her girl's locks, she said "See ya. Have fun, don't fall into the water!"

With a quick thank you to their neighbour, Lexi's mum let herself out.

Silence fell into the room and the girl struggled to contain her tears. She didn't want to go to the pier. She wanted to go to the _park_ with her mum. Just as she'd promised her three weeks ago. Why hadn't she been give the leave? It wasn't fair.

Sadie rushed up towards Lexi, sensing her distress. "Don't be sad. We'll have a great time together!"

She tried not to scoff. Although she knew her friend meant well; she was just trying to cheer her, Sadie couldn't really understand her frustration and sadness. After all, _her_ mum was always at home, not constantly at work.

Lexi immediately felt guilty at her thoughts. Her mum was only doing what was best for the both of them. It wasn't ok for her to hold that against her.

"How about I lend you my shoes? I know you love them!" Sadie interrupted her thoughts.

That helped perk her up a bit. She did love them; they were pink after all!

But as she joined Sadie and Sam for breakfast, she couldn't bring herself to enjoy her oatmeal. She aimlessly pushed the porridge around.

Sam sighed, clearly fed up already with her behaviour, "Lexi, I can't have you moping around like that all day. Would it make you feel any better if we went to the park instead of the pier?"

Lexi looked up.

She supposed it would have to do.

So, she nodded.

* * *

Once they arrived, Sam squeezed each of the hands resting in hers. "You girls gonna play hide-and-seek?" she asked cheerfully, stopping by a bench.

Lexi glanced around Sam at Sadie, whose eyes lit up as she asked "Yeah! Do you want to, Lex?"

A smile broke out onto Lexi's lips and she nodded. She _loved_ hide-and-seek.

As Sam let go of their hands and called after them not to wander too far, Lexi shouted, "You count, I'll hide!"

Since she and her mum played it often (and since her mum always found her), she had a lot of practice and was _very_ good at hiding. Sadie would _never_ find her.

As Sadie started to loudly count down from 20, the blonde girl flitted off along the path, not heeding to Sam's plea. She could barely hear her friend's counting anymore as she ducked around bushes and started a diagonal ascent up a little hill that brought her up onto a higher plain of the park.

As she looked around, she frowned. Maybe this move hadn't been a good idea. Apart from the steep dip behind her that led into dense bushes, this plateau had no shelter whatsoever.

There were numerous people on the field. They had blankets spread out and were clearly having picnics.

It was too late to find a different hiding place. Maybe she could simply hang close to a family, pretend to be playing next to them, as if she were their kid. Once Sadie found the plateau, she would never think of checking the obvious for her friend.

Grinning at her idea, Lexi was just about to skip out into the open field, when she spotted a man.

He threw her off because he looked so out of place. He just didn't fit into the picture.

A shiver ran down her spine as she froze to consider him.

The man was standing right in front of her but wasn't facing her; he was facing the right side of the field. He wore closed shoes, dark, dirty-looking jeans and a black hoodie.

Despite the warm weather, his hood was drawn up, shadows hiding his face.

He simply stood motionless, staring, while everyone else enjoyed the splendid day; the people there were laughing and chatting, kids were running around, throwing frisbees and flying kites, adults were eating or reading on blankets.

Before she could shrug it off, he started to lift an arm right out in front of him.

Was that… was that a _gun_ in his hand? Lexi's eyes widened. It _was_.

Still frozen, she watched him squeeze the trigger. She heard small _bang bang bangs_ and saw people starting to fall to the ground.

She couldn't help it. She screamed at the top of her lungs, the sound piercing through the air, warning everyone of what was happening.

And chaos erupted. Suddenly, people _realised_ and began running away, picnics forgotten, the gun was trained on her and something pushed her backwards, ripping through her.

She gasped as she hit the ground, her insides screaming. Her shoe got stuck on a root at the ledge and she felt that sandal slipping off her foot.

Her body rolled down a couple of metres, her limbs being scraped unrelentingly against the stones and roots poking out of the rough ground, until a gnarly bush firmly hit her back and held her upright on one side, facing the ledge.

She wheezed in shock; one lung felt particularly wet and heavy. Above her, frantic cries and shrieks continued, as did those _bang bangs_.

Lexi whimpered with each bang and made no move to get up. It wasn't safe to go back out there. And she couldn't retrace her steps through the bushes when her upper body was in such acute pain.

Tears started falling down her face.

"HELP!" she screeched, desperately wanting someone to find her. Anyone but that man.

Black dots started to dance in her vision.

Maybe she was too good at hiding.

But her mum would manage to find her, right?

She was too good.

Too good.

Too.

* * *

Lexi drifted in and out of consciousness as if she were riding waves.

The first time she came to, there was perfect silence. Birds were chirping in the vicinity. Breathing was difficult as each breath sent a stabbing pain through her torso.

"Help" she gurgled, something bitter wetting her tongue. Blood.

No one replied.

She should rest, conserve her energy for when someone came back for her. For when Sam told her mum she was missing and her mum came or sent someone looking for her.

Her eyes closed.

But she would only _rest_. She had to find her mum, she had to tell her how sorry she was for her behaviour this morning. If only she'd just accepted the situation and gone happily to the pier. She had to tell her how much she loved her.

But she slipped right back into oblivion.

"Come on, Matthew, there's no one else here. It's been almost 2 hours! Let's get out of here!" someone said. The voice was so quiet that she almost missed it.

She fought to open her eyes again.

"'M here" she tried to shout. She barely managed to whisper the words as the pain flared up within, like a flame licking her heart.

"Oh" she whimpered as her body convulsed in agony.

"Ben, I'm telling you, something doesn't feel _right…"_ a second voice insisted.

" _There!"_ the same voice shouted loudly barely two seconds later.

Suddenly, an array of footsteps shook the ground above her.

"Oh God!"

Three men were leaning over the ledge, looking down at her, wearing identical expressions of horror.

"Hey there, little girl, we've got you!" the one that had shouted 'there' promised. He had friendly brown eyes and chocolate skin.

"My name is Matt, I'm a paramedic" he added, carefully climbing down into the ditch next to her, pressing two fingers against her carotid.

She smiled weakly.

One of the two men on top of the ledge disappeared from her field of vision.

"My mum?" she asked. Had she sent them?

"We'll find her, sweetie" he promised as he gently lifted her shirt. It tried to stick to her skin.

Matthew turned to his buddy; "Ben, she has a weak pulse and an obvious GSW to the chest. We have to get her out of here ASAP."

"Lift her up; Nick's almost back with the stretcher…"

He turned back to Lexi. "My friends and I will take you to hospital now, ok?"

Lexi smiled again. So it had been her mum that sent them.

"This might hurt, ok? What's your name?"

His arms snaked beneath her knees and shoulders and he stood carefully, cradling her to his chest.

A wave of dizziness descended suddenly on her as the change in position caused blood to start spurting out of her wound.

"Crap! Her position had been slowing the bleeding! She's haemorrhaging _heavily_!" Matthew said, frantically climbing up the steep hill.

As everything around her spun madly and her brain could no longer process all the swirling colours, she closed her eyes to block out the confusion.

Next thing she knew, something stung her, no; something passed right _through her_ , searing red-hot for a split second, jolting her right back to wakefulness.

 _Beep. Beep. Beep_.

"I have a heartbeat!" a new voice declared relieved.

She sucked in a huge breath of fresh air. Big mistake. _Ouch!_

The voice kept talking medical garble.

Fear started growing within her. What was going on? What was he saying; opening her up? Why wasn't her mum there yet? They were at hospital already, right?

Lexi, once again, dragged her eyes open, needing answers.

And a pair of green eyes trained on her.

They were so pretty.

"Hold on" the man said to whomever he'd been talking to before crouching closer to her.

"Hello there, my name is Connor" he addressed her, smiling reassuringly. She immediately felt the fear bubbling down again. He looked so kind and strong.

"H-hi, Connor" Lexi wheezed, gazing trustingly up at him.

She somehow knew he would keep her safe until her mum was there.


	2. Mass casualty

**AN: I'll be updating every Sunday. T** **hank you ALL so much for your kind reviews, they keep me going :)**

 **F** **or the purpose of this story, the shooting occurred on a Friday, not a Saturday. Also; imagine that it was a public holiday on that day.**

* * *

Two hours earlier

"Well done, Ava" Connor exhaled softly as he stepped back from the operating table, allowing the scrub nurses to prepare to transfer their patient out of the OR.

"He seemed _intent_ on dying" Ava muttered in response, ignoring the compliment while ripping her gown off.

He couldn't agree any more. As soon as they'd finished stitching the first valve in; a porcine mitral valve, and decannulated the heart, there was severe mitral regurgitation, so much so that their patient crashed. Turns out, due to budget cuts, the hospital had bought cheaper valves from a new manufacturer that hadn't even conducted human trials yet. They quickly had to put him back on bypass and switch to a mechanical valve. However, he coded once more as they took him off bypass again. Ava's quick heart massage and well-timed shot of epi right into the muscle had brought him back for the second time and at least he seemed stable now.

"Take him up to the cardiac ICU, continue the heparin drip" she said in clipped tone as the nurses started to wheel him out.

He glanced interestedly at her. All morning long, she hadn't seemed to be her usual self. He'd blamed it on the stress of this operation since she had been the lead; neither of them couldn't afford any mistakes this close to the end of their fellowship.

But now that she had successfully managed to see their patient through it, she should be more relaxed. She shouldn't still have those stiff shoulders and the frown lines in her forehead.

Maybe something else was bothering her?

Before he could lightly tease her with something along the lines of _got up on the wrong foot today_ , she spun on her heels and strode out of the OR into the scrub room.

He followed her.

"Quite the start to the day, huh?" he mused, grabbing a bar of soap.

She snorted quietly, furiously rubbing her arms to generate a creamy lather.

"Yeah" she said shortly.

Ok; this was definitely _not_ normal. Before he could try prod at her again, she seemed to realise that her tone was too snappy, for she glumly added, "So, Dr Latham gets the bank holiday off, but _we_ don't?"

Connor looked up from his hands and turned towards her. _That's_ what was bothering her?

He decided not to state that thought in words like that, lest she bit his head off. Instead, he curiously noted, "Look at you, how would you know that today is a holiday?"

She glanced at him briefly and shrugged, "First thing anyone does in a foreign country is to see when there's a public holiday so that they can claim holiday leave and get the day off without having to take normal leave, no?"

Connor chuckled, "True, but unfortunately, that plan is flawed since you chose a fellowship in CT. With such a high-profile speciality, it's the _attendings_ that get their bank holiday off, while their fellows get to 'practice'…"

"Ah well, next year when I'm an attending, I'll get the day off when I want it, then" she sighed dejectedly. Her shoulders drooped as if she were finally coming to terms with having to work today. She reached for a towel and started to pat her arms dry.

He quickly copied her, humming in agreement to her response. Since there was the opening, he could casually ask, "So, are you looking for attending positions elsewhere already?"

He'd been burning to ask her that for a while now; both afraid and so curious of her reply. Would they be parting ways soon? Or was she looking into staying at Gaffney for now?

Ava immediately shook her head, "No, I mean, yes, I have applied at a couple of places. But if Dr Latham offers me a permanent contract here, then I'll _definitely_ take it."

Her fervent reply took him by surprise, although deep down he felt so relieved. He wasn't planning on leaving Gaffney and didn't want her to, either. Which was stupid; as much as he liked her and was attracted to her, he had blown any chances of them ever getting together properly. Still, if she moved away, there would _definitely_ never be a second chance. Definitely.

"Not even if Mayo Clinic wants you?" he asked, trying hard to cover his hopefulness with nonchalance.

She finally looked up properly and smiled, "Not even if Mayo Clinic wants me."

"Why the hell not?"

She shrugged, "Many reasons. Primarily because I've _just_ settled down. For the first time in wow… _6_ years, I'm settled. Here, in Chicago! Who would've thought that! Anyways, I don't have the will nor the energy to uproot everything _again_."

Connor continued to pry; "6 years? I mean, yeah, I get this past year; you've moved from South Africa to Chicago… But what about the 5 years before that?"

Her eyes glazed over in a flashback. Eventually, she admitted "Finishing my residency was… challenging. I met many obstacles and had to move a few times in South Africa. Actually, the move to Chicago was my 5th move in these past 6 years."

"Oh, wow!" he said, both impressed and intrigued. He'd never stopped to think what her life looked like before he met her. Still, he would have never guessed that she'd moved around so much already.

She gave him a mysterious smile and turned away to throw the towel into the bin. He didn't miss how that smile lasted as they walked out of the scrub room together, as if there were something that she wasn't telling him.

But before he could continue digging and see if she would tell him about her 4 internal moves, their pagers started beeping simultaneously.

Her head snapped right back up to meet his gaze, worry mirrored in each other's eyes. Had their patient thrown a complication again, _already_?

They both broke the gaze and reached for their respective phones in their pockets.

 _911 to ED - mass shooting at millennial park – disaster plan triggered, all hands on deck NOW!_

His heart sank and he stopped his stride towards their lounge. Out of the corner of his eye, he was aware of Ava halting too, staring dumbfounded at her own phone.

A mass shooting? At millennial park? On a _bank holiday_? Oh, hell! There were going to be _tons_ of victims rolling in.

Connor glanced at Ava, dismayed. He found her still staring at her phone.

"A mass _shooting_ at millennial park?" he feebly managed.

Then, he noticed that her face was devoid of any colour and she looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

"I... I'd have gone there today if I'd gotten the holiday leave" she whispered, slowly looking up.

Her words made his blood run cold. _What?_

"I had made _plans_ to go there…" she added, breath hitching and a violent shiver visually racking through her.

No! Had she really been so close to being out there in danger? Connor had a sudden image flashing through his brain, one of a limp, intubated Ava being wheeled into the ED, blood gushing from a bullet wound to her chest. The monitors showed her pressure bottoming out and before he could try save her, try get the EKG not to show that ugly flatline anymore, another doctor reminded him that disaster plan meant 'mass casualty protocol'. Disaster plan meant that only those with a shot were to be resuscitated.

Before he could drown in that petrifying what-if scenario and before her ragged breathing morphed into a panic attack, Connor shuffled closer to her, placed both of his hands on her shoulder and instructed "Hey, breathe, Ava, breathe."

She obeyed and sucked in a couple of huge, deep breaths, their gazes locked. It felt good, holding onto her like that. _There, she's right here, right next to you, not in the ED on some stretcher,_ a voice in his head gratefully whispered.

He continued, "Very good. Now, listen to me, I know that that thought is terrifying, heck _I am so very glad_ we're still fellows and you didn't get the day off..."

That won him a tiny smile.

"…But you can't lose yourself to it. You're safe, and there's gonna be many people that need our full, undivided attention that need our help and us save them, ok?"

"Ok" she nodded, relaxing slightly beneath his hands as his words seemed to sink in.

Satisfied, Connor gave her shoulders a squeeze and let go of her.

"Let's go to the ED, then" she said, inhaling deeply to prepare herself for what was coming.

"Let's go" Connor agreed.

The pair smiled sadly at each other, then hurried towards the lift.

As they strode, well, almost jogged, towards the lift in silence, Connor had to force himself not to think about Ava being injured. She was right there, next to him. He could hear her breathing and light footsteps on the ground.

They reached the lift, doors already open, and stood inside side-by-side. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her again, to make sure she really was there, even though he'd just had his hands on her shoulders. He fought the urge.

When the doors opened two floors down, utter _chaos_ greeted them. They froze for what felt like an hour, but probably was just few seconds.

In those seconds, Connor's eyes swept the entire ED. Fragments of scenes stuck with him, such as myriad patients being wheeled in from _everywhere_ , the bloody footprints and used gloves littering the floor, nurses sprinting about with pockets bulging with vials of medication, deceased patients covered with a white sheet being unceremoniously deposited into an empty room and patients being treated all over the place; from the nurses' station counter to the trauma rooms to the corridors.

He also noted Choi aggressively giving compressions, Will trying and failing to control a bleeding and Manning frantically trying to intubate someone.

"Maggie, Owen and his nanny may have gone to the park today. Can you…" He heard the mum call out to the nurse as she finally managed to get the tube in and start to manually bag him.

"… try reach her? Of course." was Maggie's reply.

He shivered at that; Natalie didn't know if her own son was safe? Connor was half-surprised that she hadn't run off home to search for him, make sure he was there. On the one hand, it didn't make sense to do so, to assume the worst had happened. Panicking wouldn't do her good; it wouldn't help her, her son nor the patients that were relying on all of them. On the other hand, if he had a kid that might be in danger, Connor wasn't sure he would be able to function the way Natalie was. She was a very dedicated doctor, he decided; it took strength not to succumb to such a serious possibility.

Doctor Stohl's loud shouting drew his attention away from Natalie.

"This is mass casualty protocol, people. No chance of recovery, no resuscitation! Stop your efforts, Dr Choi, and move on to the next patient _now_!"

Choi gruntingly stepped away and announced time of death. The sound of the flatline on the monitor rang through to Connor, and it all hit a little too close to home; it mirrored too closely the vision he'd had of Ava. _She_ might have really been one of these blood-soaked patients amongst the carnage. It might have been _her_ body being roughly disposed of on top of others until the living patients were stabilised and the dead could be properly stowed in the morgue.

"Oh my God. Where do we begin?" Ava asked him weakly after digesting the sight herself, drawing him out of his dark thoughts.

He spared her a glance but didn't know the answer. Before improvising, Maggie passed them; Connor called, "Hey Mags, we need to prioritise surgical candidates. Where are they?"

Not even slowing her stride, the nurse waved a hand and said, "Everywhere!"

Connor turned to Ava, who was staring ahead at the onslaught of injured patients, looking shaken to the core. He opened his mouth to tell her he had no idea who needed them the most. She looked shaken to the core, just like he felt.

"Rhodes, I could use a hand!" Choi shouted, interrupting him before he even started to formulate that in words. Choi was already busy with a new patient.

"Alright, start in the treatment rooms, I'll meet you on the other side" Connor decided. Before heading to Choi, he finally gave in to the urge to touch her and allowed the tips of his fingers to graze her shoulder briefly, making sure she was really there and whole.

He caught a glimpse of her alert eyes and a fleeting nod before they parted ways.

This was going to be a _long_ day, wasn't it?


	3. Crash surgery

**AN: long overdue, huh? Sorry about that. Life got busy, but I don't plan on abandoning this story, don't worry. Reviews are highly appreciated :)**

* * *

"Ok, take him out and wheel the next patient it!" Connor said, ripping his gown off and putting on a new one, taking care not to transfer any blood onto the new plastic cape.

He wasn't sure how he felt about this win. This patient had been their shooter. And while in theory Connor hated to judge _anyone_ and treated _everyone_ who needed medical attention the same, he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and anger at how unfair it was that this man got to live while so many innocents had died.

Dr Latham also tore off his gown and went to scrub himself in the tiny sink. Connor smiled grimly at that; he was proud of Latham today. Apart from his compulsion to scrub out after every crash surgery, he had put all other concerns aside and been of invaluable help.

 _Stop the bleeding, stop the carnage, move on._ Those words had not only helped Latham, but also himself. They had been his little mantra, keeping him sane despite the far too quick pace of the day. Since starting the 'crash-surgery' in the doctor's lounge, he had operated on 8 patients, 5 of which had made it. He didn't even know how much time had passed.

The two nurses made swift work of removing all soiled sheets and cleaning the surfaces and instruments. It was amazing how quickly they cleaned it out, ready for the next operation. He should tell Ms Goodwin about their excellent work later.

"Are there even any more patients?" Connor asked bemusedly, looking around when no one else was hurriedly wheeled in.

Doris actually _smiled_ , "It looks like everyone has been stabilised, Dr Rhodes. We'll hang around for a few more minutes just in case; but no new patients have been brought in for the last 20 minutes!"

He exhaled in relief and closed his eyes. "Thank you, God" he breathed sincerely, clasping his hands together in effort to stop them from shaking. The adrenaline that had kept him going was going to come crashing down soon. Although not religious nor a church-goer, Connor believed that God existed. So, he silently thanked him for helping him through all of this and for seeing an end to it.

"Well, since we're probably done here, we should go help out in the ORs. There's still surgeries going on there. This day isn't over yet!" Dr Latham announced.

Eyes still closed, Connor replied; "Sure, I'll join you in a few. Thank you for your help, Dr Latham."

He was aware of the tall doctor brushing past him and out of the room.

Connor's superior was right; this day was _far_ from over. Even though there were no new patients, there were all of the ones they'd stabilised with crash-surgery and damage control that needed to be properly closed. Plus those that hadn't been in too bad of shape and were still waiting for their surgery.

But he could give himself a minute before diving right back in.

Someone gently cleared their throat, interrupting his little bubble of oblivion.

When he reluctantly opened his eyes, Connor found Ava standing in front of him.

"He's gonna live?" she asked. It took him a moment to realise that she was referring to Harris. It made sense that she knew about this last shady surgery; she'd been there when Drs Charles and Manning wheeled him in. She had used a quick-scan to confirm he needed emergency surgery. She'd overheard Det Jay Halstead tell Connor not to let the man off the hook by dying. She knew that he would be operating on the mass killer, trying to save him.

He couldn't quite decipher the look she was giving him; all cool and collected. Was she angry at his efforts or just striking up a conversation again, like she always did? God, their earlier conversations and interactions felt like weeks ago,

"Yeah." He finally replied, and before there was any backlash at that, he added a bit more lightly, "And where did _you_ materialise from?"

Suddenly, her face broke out into a gentle smile. Good, she wasn't mad, then.

Ava reached across the table and rubbed her hand along his arm. "You did great today. I know I was sceptical about the whole operating-in-the-doctors-lounge thing, but without you, 5 patients would be dead by now. Including the murderer. All of these people will get closure now by seeing him go to prison thanks to _you_."

He was surprised at how easily she'd just read him. Her words warmed him up on the inside and alleviated some of his guilt; _of course_ he'd been right to save Trent Harris. As Ava said, he could be brought to justice. That was a far better fate than him dying unpunished.

"Thank you for that" he said sincerely, feeling slightly more at ease already. He appreciated how intuitive she was; she understood him on a level unlike any other and unlike anyone else.

She inclined her head, clearly noting his drooped shoulders and quiet demeanour. "You tired?"

"I am _so_ exhausted" he admitted.

"They need us upstairs in the ORs. Take a couple of minutes, you deserve a break. See you there later?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, by the way, if you see my phone, could you hang onto it for me? I can't remember what I did with it after we left the OR upstairs…"

"I'll keep an eye out for it" he promised.

She smiled again, gave his bicep a final squeeze and let go. He watched her twirl around and walk off, blonde curls bouncing against her shoulders with each step.

Connor rested his hands on the table and leaned against it. He hung his head, closed his eyes again and counted 30 slow, deep breaths, allowing himself a mini-rest.

God, the way Ava got him was insane. If only he hadn't blown any chances of developing a lasting relationship with this amazing woman on the night they hooked up. While back then he hadn't been thinking further ahead than a no-strings fling, something _she_ clearly hadn't been after, now they had grown together so much and he saw her in a different light. He wished he'd been more sensitive and not scared her off. Yes, he had baggage and had been scared of what would happen if they continued down that path, but to throw it in her face that morning with, "I have plans already" had been unkind and selfish. And was costing _him_ now, wasn't it?

Connor gave his head a shake; this was not the time to mull over his mistakes. People were still in need of surgery. It was time to go help up in the ORs.

Unfortunately, as he looked up again, about to order Noah away and let the nurses reconvert the lounge back into the its purposive state, Connor spotted an ambulance skid into the bay, lights and horns blaring madly.

It was as if he was being spited for being grateful that everyone had been stabilised.

He watched as three paramedics hurriedly unloaded a gurney and started to run directly towards him, bypassing triage. Connor instantly recognised them; they had already brought him 3 patients to operate on that had been shot but initially left behind at the scene since they'd been in a better state than other victims. By the time all the critical patients had been shuttled to a hospital and these medics doubled back for these less-grievously injured, their conditions had worsened to life-threatening but they'd managed to stave off bleeding till Connor could stabilise them with crash-surgery.

From the looks of it, they'd found another patient.

There were two medics on either side of the gurney, wheeling it into the ED. One of them was leading the way while the second medic only had one hand on the rail. His other hand was squeezing an ambu bag. The final medic was standing on the rail by the wheels, giving compressions. That wasn't a good sign.

"Gloves" he said wearily, holding a hand out, mentally preparing himself. This day truly wasn't over yet.

Doris slapped a pair in his hands, her eyes wide. "H-how can there be another patient, _alive_? It's been almost two hours since the shooting commenced!"

He gave her a helpless look; "I don't know, Doris. This definitely doesn't look good…"

The medics burst into the room, faces grim.

"Thank god you're free, Rhodes!" the one giving compressions huffed as his buddies wheeled him closer to the makeshift OR table. Connor's heart sank as he saw how small the patient being resuscitated was.

It was a kid. Just a kid; a _kid_ for heaven's sake!

"Let's transfer on my count!" Connor exclaimed, adrenaline starting to pump again; clarifying his mind by numbing the tiredness.

"1, 2, 3!"

The tiny form thudded down on the makeshift operating table, a head full of locks lolling towards him.

"Monique, take over bagging!" he ordered before addressing the medics; "Talk to me!"

His eyes then trained on the little girl in front of him. She looked to be about 5, maybe 6 years old. One foot was clad with a pink sandal, the other was bare. Her black leggings were thorn in multiple places and the white t-shirt stained with drying blood was cut open, exposing her chest. There was a single bullet hole on her left side, too high up in her abdomen for his liking. The girl's pale arms hung limply by her side, IVs stuck in place.

God, a _little girl_ had been freaking _shot_. Connor had to swallow back the bile that rose to the back of his throat.

There was _no way_ he was going to lose her. Not after having saved Trent Harris.

"Bullet wound to the upper left quadrant of her abdomen, no exit wound. Found her unconscious in a ditch, propped up on her side. Her vitals tanked the second we moved her and we lost her pulse barely a minute ago. Unable to intubate in the field…" the medic giving compressions grunted.

"Epi?" Doris asked.

"No, give me the quick-scan first, and let's get her on a monitor!" Connor replied.

Doris handed him the instrument and he ordered, "Hold compressions. Monique, keep bagging!"

The paramedic removed the hand pushing the girl's chest in and stepped back, panting.

"Leads are on! Asystole!" Doris exclaimed.

Several people in the room swore at that.

 _No._

"No, no, no! It's _not_ your time yet!" Connor addressed the lifeless girl sternly as he pressed the ultrasound down right above her heart.

He was not calling it yet, not before he had excluded...

 _There!_

The monitor confirmed his hunch; "Cardiac tamponade; bullet must've nicked her pericardium. 15-gauge syringe?"

There was a slight chance that the tamponade compressing the heart was the reason for asystole.

And he'd be damned not to try _everything_ he could for a child.

He held out his hand, Doris immediately gave him one.

"Here, hold this _steadily_ " he handed the wand to Noah, and kept his eyes trained on the monitor as he plunged the needle into the girl's chest through her ribs, using the image as a guide. Satisfied that he hadn't pierced her heart, he pulled the plunger back, drawing blood out.

"Perfect" he growled, discarding it.

Then, centred a hand onto the girl's chest, locked his elbow and continued compressions himself.

He heard ribs cracking beneath him.

"Dr Rhodes" Monique said quietly next to him, a look of horror on her face at that awful sound.

"It's not her time yet" he repeated insistently, eyes glued on the monitor.

Trent Harris had taken _enough_ lives today. This girl was _not_ going to the morgue. Not on his watch.

"Come on" he growled, still harshly pumping downwards. This girl could _not_ die, not today, not for another 100 years, not for any unnatural reasons.

He glowered at the monitor, willing her heart to twitch, even just the slightest movement was all he needed to see. Just a sign that her sinoatrial and atrioventricular nodes were firing impulses again and could be redirected to fire regularly with a strong shock.

"There!" he exclaimed as the EKG finally quivered; "She's in V-fib!"

Doris scrambled to get the paddles.

"Charge to 200 volts!" Connor called, taking them from her and rubbing them together.

"Charged!" both Monique and Doris eagerly said.

"Stand clear" he warned before bringing the paddles down.

The girl jerked beneath him as the shock flew through her body.

 _Beep._

 _Beep._

 _Beep._

 _Beep._

He'd never heard a sound more beautiful than those erratic little beeps on the monitor as the girl's heart restarted.

"I have a heartbeat. Pressure is low but holding!" Connor announced, relief flooding him. The feeling washing over him was indescribable. He quickly blinked the tears away that sprung to his eyes.

Quietly cheers and murmuring erupted in the room. Sentences that sounded like "Thank God!" and "Oh, I thought we'd lost her there" and "That was close!" were exchanged.

She was alive. For now. They were a long way from being out of the woods.

Connor looked down at the girl who was now breathing for herself, and as he ruffled her hair affectionately, he mentally promised her to see her through it.

"Ok, let's hang 2 units of O neg on the rapid transfuser, remove her clothes and get her a portable chest X-ray to see where the bullet is at."

As Monique grabbed scissors to start cutting the remaining clothes off, Doris dragged the X-ray machine closer and Connor palpitated the girl's abdomen. Sure enough, it was rock solid; full of blood.

"How did you come across her? Why wasn't she brought in sooner?" he asked the medics while unhooking the stethoscope around his neck.

As one of the medics started explaining, Doris pulled the X-ray machine overhead and motioned for them all to stand clear.

"'Bout 20 minutes ago, all rigs got the long-awaited well-done message to say that our work was done, that no living victims remained at the scene, that they'd all been transferred to hospital. But I had this _feeling_ … I made us double back to the clearing where it all occurred. Something just didn't feel right. Then we spotted a pink sandal, standing at the edge of the field by the bushes, all alone. When I rushed up to it, I found this girl at the bottom of a side-ditch, unconscious, lying on her side. She'd fallen off the clearing into the ditch after being shot. She had a good pulse, so her position must've slowed the bleeding. As soon as we moved her, her vitals started falling. And here we are now…"

Connor shivered. So, pure luck had brought the girl to him in the nick of time.

"Well done, guys. Thank you. We got this from here" he said softly while pressing the bell onto the girl's chest to listen to her lungs.

Doris showed him the developed film while he listened to her breath sounds.

The bullet appeared to be lying very close to the heart, and as he could both see and hear, the girl clearly had a collapsed lung, accounting for her low oxygen stats.

"Let's head out again" another medic said, "Everyone missed this girl, so there _might_ be others…"

"Keep us posted" the last medic said as they headed out.

Connor nodded, "Will do."

He turned to his little operating team.

"No breath sounds on the left, pneumohemothorax confirmed by the x-ray. Either the bullet or the broken ribs punctured her lung. Regardless, we're gonna have to open her up to remove the bullet, stop the bleeding, drain the blood in her abdomen, run her intestines in case the bullet nicked her ileum, repair any damage and re-inflate the lung. Everyone up for a final surgery?"

The nurses murmured their agreement.

"Good", he turned to Noah, about to order him to put her under. But before the command left his lips, he heard a small whimper coming from the girl.

When he looked down, he found a pair of extraordinary eyes trained on him.

"Hold on" he said before crouching closer to the girl.

"Hello there, my name is Connor" he said gently, wanting nothing more than to reassure her that she was in safe hands. He grabbed a scrub cap and slipped it onto her head, sweeping her mop of curls into it.

She looked scared; her eyes were widened, making their colours even more obvious. One eye was green and the other one was hazel. They had to be the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

"H-hi, Connor…" the girl whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks.

His heart broke at her evident pain and terror. He gently cupped her cheeks and promised her, "I'm a surgeon and I'm going to take great care of you. Can you tell me your name? So that I can find your parents?"

"L… Lexi" she said, coughing weakly. Blood dribbled out of the corner of her mouth and she winced, trying to curl herself up. He gently held her shoulders down; moving would only worsen her pain.

"Lexi, that's a beautiful name. Try and hold still, Lexi, ok?" he said, before turning to Noah; "Noah, prepare to put Lexi here under…"

He addressed the girl again; "That means we'll put you to sleep so that we can fix you up, ok?"

"Connor… it… hurts…" she gasped, her tiny frame still struggling beneath his hands. More tears escaped her eyes.

"I know, sweetie, I know. Hang in there."

He continued reassuring her, not breaking eye contact to make sure she knew she wasn't alone; "Just a few more seconds, and Noah will have administered the meds to put you to sleep. Then, the next thing you'll be aware of is waking up feeling much better!"

She whimpered something unintelligible, still struggling weakly. There was something in her look; a degree of… trust? He shivered a little and without looking up added, "Noah?" when the man had still made no move to prepare the anaesthetic.

Noah stuttered, "How... How much does she weigh? She's so tiny!"

The girl's eyes drooped. She finally stilled. He immediately recognised that she had started to slip out of consciousness.

"25 kg, give or take" he snapped, letting go of her. They needed to move quickly. She was still actively bleeding and they had to fix everything before her body went into DIC.

"Prepare a bone saw and rib spreader _now!_ " he added in Doris's direction.

Noah finally administered the meds and began to intubate her.

"Scalpel!"


	4. Secret unveiled

**AN: been building up a long time to this ;) and here it finally is! Enjoy and please review if you've read this!**

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The 3rd code, a lung _and_ diaphragm repair later, Connor was finally ready to close. He glanced up at the nurses, wondering if he could take the time to close her properly and spare her from going back to the ORs later.

"Doris, did the paramedics bring in any new patients after Lexi?"

"No. Also, the ORs are finally emptying. This room won't be needed anytime soon, so you're good to close her properly if you like" Doris replied, immediately catching up on his line of thinking.

He smiled thinly, not that anyone could see it behind his mask.

"You gave us quite the scare, little one, didn't you?" he addressed the tiny girl in front of him before asking for a 3'o'silk stitch and starting to suture the first incision wound shut.

She was _way_ too small to be on an operating table. Her form was so petite that her legs barely made an indentation in the drape. The scrub cap she wore that puffed out like a halo from her head engulfed her forehead and hid her closed eyes almost completely; Connor could just make out two golden moon-shaped rings of lashes beneath it. And she was about to be left with two major scars on her chest.

One would run between her 4th and 5th left ribs. This was where he'd first tried to get access to the nicked pericardium to remove the bullet and repair the lung. However, just as he removed the bullet, she started haemorrhaging heavily and to his dismay, Connor had found that the bullet hadn't just been kissing the heart; it had been acting as a plug to a laceration in the vena cava.

By the time he'd managed to throw a clamp in, the girl had coded. Open-chest heart massage brought her back, but _barely_ , so, before she went into DIC, he'd had no choice but to open her chest via a median sternotomy; accounting for the 2nd incision. That would leave her with a scar running from her sternum halfway down to her abdomen.

"Another 3'o'silk" he said; holding out his hand for the stitch. He carefully yet quickly stitched the next wound shut, making sure to align the skin perfectly around the chest-tube, and when he was done, he helped the nurses dress both wounds with antiseptic cream and bandages.

As Monique shook open a hospital gown and gingerly pulled the girl's arms through it so that from the front, she wasn't naked yet at the back it was untied so that it could be easily removed in case of emergency, he turned to Noah.

"Let's wean her off the anaesthetic but keep her comfortable. She's suffered enough. Take her up to the PICU and keep an eye on her at all times. She might try code again and we will _not_ lose her after all of this."

The young doctor nodded, eyes still wide. Were they always so wide? Connor shook his head at his annoyance; despite Noah being brand new and not the perfect doctor yet, he'd been of vital help as an anaesthesiologist today.

Connor stepped back from the girl, allowing the nurses to mobilise the gurney. Exhaustion suddenly came crashing back into his limbs, reminding him of what a day it'd been.

"I'll come check in on her as soon as I've found or contacted Lexi's family. Page me if her condition changes" he added wearily, ripping off his gown for the umpteenth time.

Doris and Noah wheeled the girl out together, monitors stowed by her feet, Noah squeezing an ambu bag by her head.

For the first time since it had been converted into an OR, silence surged softly into the room. Connor could now hear the clock on the wall ticking and a quiet hum that was the bustle outside.

He exhaled the breath he'd metaphorically been holding since first setting eyes on that beautiful child. He'd done it. He'd managed to stabilise her, despite her critical injuries and the delay in receiving medical care.

He shuddered as he acknowledged that only 1 extra minute on the paramedic's side would have cost the girl her life. He shuddered to think that she had _almost_ been missed, that she'd almost been left in the ditch, slowly bleeding to death, alone. All alone.

 _She's safe now_ , some part of his mind reminded him, soothing him.

This patient had really caught him up on the inside, like a stitch that throbbed with every breath. Only in his case; the ache intensified every time she coded and relented somewhat when she stabilised.

There was definitely _something_ to her that he couldn't explain. And it wasn't the air of innocence and sweetness that she had, that all children had, that made children so precious. After all, he didn't feel this painful 'stitch' in his chest with all paediatric patients.

Maybe it had been the look of terror in her eyes when she came to after the first resuscitation, then the look of absolute trust as he introduced himself. In that moment, a terrified child all alone had turned to _him_ with a look of pure faith. It had unwittingly made him responsible for her, at least until he could locate her family and make sure she was out of the woods.

One thing was for sure; this captivating power she unknowingly had on him was so strong that he was already feeling anxious not being near her. What if she'd coded again while he wasn't there?

So, he pushed the tiredness away; he could always crash in the PICU later (he wasn't gonna be leaving her side anytime soon, was he?) and set his mind on what he needed to do before checking in on Lexi.

First of; he needed to find Latham and Ava and excuse himself for not meeting them and helping out in the ORs as he had promised them… he wasn't even sure _when_ that had been… He glanced at the clock and was astonished to see that almost 3 hours had passed since the end of Harris' surgery. Yeah, he had to go apologise for leaving them wondering if he'd bailed out on them for 3 hours.

Then, he had to locate the girl's next of kin. There was no way someone wasn't looking out for her, and they must be going insane with worry. If only he had her surname; it would speed the process.

As he removed the mask and spectacles from his face, he heard a faint buzzing sound. He looked around, confused, and beneath the drape that was coming loose off the lockers, he spotted something red vibrating.

He hurried over to it and recognised it instantly; it was Ava's phone. What was it doing _here_? She'd only been in this lounge after Harris's surgery when she'd asked him to look out for it, so there was no way _she'd_ left it here. Perhaps a nurse had found it lying somewhere during the bustle and left it here for time being before the room was converted into an OR.

As he picked it up, he saw that the screen was lit up; someone was calling Ava's phone. He frowned as he saw that she had 22 missed calls from this number.

God, maybe this person didn't know she wasn't at work, maybe they thought she might have been at the park. And her not answering reinforced their fears that something had happened to her.

He glanced at the name; it simply said Sam. A flash of jealousy made itself known in his heart, unbidden. He frowned; what was it to him if Ava had been planning on going to the park and a guy-friend knew about that and was worried for her? Connor had messed up any chances of the two of them, so he should be happy she was at last spreading her wings and interacting with non-hospital people.

Before he could decide whether or not to answer to reassure the person that Ava was fine, the person cut and the phone fell still in his hand.

Sighing, he stowed it in his pocket and finally headed out of the lounge.

And was immediately pounced upon, metaphorically speaking.

"Dr Rhodes!" Maggie called eagerly.

"Hmm?" he said, slowing his stride. She waved him over and he saw that she was consoling a sobbing young woman with sandy hair scraped back in a messy bun and mascara running down her cheeks.

"… and she-she's small, has curly blonde hair and di-different coloured eyes" the woman hiccupped, continuing what she'd been saying to Maggie, unaware of Connor approaching. His ears pricked up at that; that description sounded like Lexi.

"Please, I haven't been able to l-locate her; we got separated at the park wh-when the shooting commenced… I've been to _all_ hospitals…"

The woman begged desperately, "P-please tell m-me she's n-not… _Oh_!"

Fresh sobs erupted from her throat. She buried her head in her hands, shoulders shaking desolately.

Maggie quietly murmured to Connor; "I thought Doris said your patient was called Lexi, so as soon as this woman here came in looking for an Alexis Baker, I called you over…"

He gave her a brief, understanding nod before turning his full attention to the crying woman.

He loudly asked, already anticipating her answer; "Ma'am, is your daughter's name Lexi?"

She lowered her hands and looked up at him.

"Lexi, yes, is Lexi here?" she whispered, hope flickering in her eyes. Her sobs died down.

Although the news wanted to _burst_ from his chest; he wanted to shout it out so that everyone would know, he chose to approach the subject in a more calm and sensible manner.

He beamed, "Yes, Lexi is here. She came in about 3 hours ago with a gunshot wound to the chest. Now, we had to perform surgery and it was touch-and-go, but we managed to stabilise her. She was just taken up to the PICU, you may go see her."

The look of relief that crossed her features was priceless. He continued smiling as she sputtered; "Y-you mean s-she's _alive_?"

He confirmed, "Yes, Lexi is alive."

The woman's lower lip wobbled and she burst out crying all over again. "Oh, thank you, thank you, _thank you_ " she cried while throwing herself against him in a firm hug. He patted her back and accepted it for a few seconds.

"Maggie will direct you to the PICU, ok? Lexi won't be awake for a while, but of course, you can stay next to her."

She nodded vigorously, still mumbling incoherent yet absurdly relieved exclamations into his scrub top. Maggie smiled broadly at Connor and gently pried the woman away.

Connor grinned, watching the nurse lead the woman away. What an amazing feeling it was, being the giver of good news! Despite the leaded feeling of his legs, he practically skipped towards the lift for the cardiac wing.

"Dr Rhodes!" someone called again.

He turned, "Yeah?" he said lightly.

Monique was sticking her head out of the doctor's lounge.

"I-I was just clearing the room out… what do we do with this?" she held out a small, pink sandal. "I had removed it when we prepped her for surgery" she explained.

Connor glanced towards Maggie and the woman but they were out of sight already.

"I'll take it and return it to her mum."

Monique stepped out of the room towards him and gave him the shoe. "They've found her mum?"

He nodded happily, then considered the shoe. It had pink lacey straps and a sturdy sole.

"Poor woman was incoherent with relief. Maggie made the connection between mum and patient and just took mum up to the PICU."

Monique grinned widely; "Oh, that's great. Dr Rhodes, you were amazing in there. How did you know to keep compressions going, even though she was asystole on arrival?"

"I suspected that the SA and AV nodes weren't firing because of the tamponade squashing the heart, not because the muscle was dead. But had she come to us just one minute later, the muscle _would_ have been dead…" he trailed off. She understood; it had been lucky shot.

Blushing, Monique said, "Well, luckily it all worked out!"

He nodded and watched her retreat back into the lounge. He hadn't noticed that she had a crush on him before. In all fairness, he'd grown to ignore it. So many women found him attractive that it got tiring after a while.

Smiling slightly, he finally made his way out of the ED. His feet carried him to the lift, protesting with each step, and before he knew it, he was emerging in the cardiac wing.

Sandal closed in one hand, he decided to check the nurses' station for Latham and Ava. If they were done with their surgeries, they'd most definitely be there to fill in paperwork.

He immediately spotted Latham's tall figure standing at the station as he rounded the corner. A few steps later, he also saw Ava's bowed head; she was standing next to him.

As he walked up towards them, Ava was the first to sense his presence.

She glanced up when he was maybe 5 paces away and mused " _There_ you are!"

He smiled at her and leaned against the counter, right in front of both of them.

Latham also looked up. "Where have you been, Dr Rhodes?" His tone was slightly disapproving, as if he suspected he'd gone off to sleep while they worked.

"Performing more surgery in the ED."

Ava frowned; "Someone else came in? _Alive?_ Because by the time we left, almost 2 hours had passed since the shooting!"

"Yup, we got another living patient. Well, the kid was asystole on arrival. She had a GSW to the chest but I managed to revive her and stabilise her with surgery. It was complicated; she coded twice on the table and needed extensive repairs. I fought like hell; after saving Harris, I could _not_ let her go. And I'm pleased to announce that she's just been transferred to the PICU and that her mother has found her and is now with her. I'm gonna go check on her as soon as we're done here."

He set the sandal down on the table between them. Ava paled slightly as she saw it and Latham seemed more than satisfied with his reply, "That sounds like an _incredible_ save, well done!"

Ava ignored Latham's praise and before Connor could reply, she asked weakly; "The girl came in on her own?"

He nodded, not missing how pale she was; "Mum and kid got separated during the chaos. The girl fell into a ditch and the medics only found her because one shoe came off and stayed on the field. It acted as a beacon; the only sign that she was there."

She shivered; "Wow. That's terrible! What if they hadn't spotted the shoe?"

He gave her a helpless look. The three of them all understood what that would have meant.

Latham gravely broke the silence; "Trent Harris took 24 lives today. Kudos for not letting him take a 25th, Dr Rhodes."

"Damn, so many?" Connor asked, horrified. _Thank god, not 25. Or 26._ He glanced at Ava.

Latham nodded, "Indeed. Terrifying and horrible, isn't it? Makes you feel grateful for everything you have."

"Yeah. I just want to go home and…" Ava said, stopping in mid-sentence. Her eyes glazed over.

Connor decided to lighten the mood by teasing "…and phone your boyfriend, let him know you're safe?"

Latham looked mildly interested at that.

Ava laughed; "What boyfriend?"

"Who else has been trying to phone you all day?" He fished her phone out of his pocket and dangled it in front of her. When she tried to reach for it, he pulled back. "Ah, not before you spill the beans."

"I don't have a boyfriend!" she protested, trying to reach for it again.

He grinned, "So who's Sam?"

Ava frowned; "Sam? Sam's been trying to phone me?"

"Aha. Come on, tell us, are you guys serious?"

She snapped; " _Connor, give me the phone!"_

He held up his hands in a mock surrender motion and handed it to her, "Ok, ok, touchy much?"

But then he noticed the horror in her eyes as she redialled the last number and held the phone to her ear. "Sam's my neighbour. Her daughter has shoes just like that one" she explained, nodding at the pink sandal.

"Oh, God!" Connor said, his playfulness faltering and morphing back into seriousness.

As she waited for Sam to pick up the phone, she bit her lip and asked her colleagues, "This probably means nothing, right? Many kids have these sandals. Plus, Sam said she wasn't going to take the kids to the park today. She might have tried to reach me for any number of reason…"

Latham nodded; "Occam's Razor. There's probably a trivial explanation for the phone-calls from your neighbour."

Connor agreed; "Yeah, the shoes are probably just a coincidence."

"Did you catch the kid's name? What did she look like? She didn't have light brown hair, sorta sandy, and a mole on her cheek, did she?" Ava added.

"Uh, I'd describe her hair as blond- _blonde_ , not sandy. Lighter than your hair. Oh, and she has complete heterochromia. Said her name is Lexi when she came to after the 1st resuscitation."

Ava's eyes widened and her hand went slack. The phone thudded down onto the counter.

" _Lexi_?" she asked hoarsely, swaying on her feet. She lifted a hand to her mouth.

His heart sank; oh god; so Lexi _was_ her neighbour's kid.

"Yes, Lexi…" he confirmed.

Ava's eyes bulged as her body convulsed. She ducked and promptly vomited into the dustbin. Connor rushed behind the counter and patted her back as she retched again and again.

Latham just stood there, looking jaw-slacked at Connor, who was feeling horrified.

Eventually, he snapped himself out of it and while continuing to run both of his hands soothingly across her back, he tried to reassure her; "Hey, Ava; it's ok. Lexi is gonna live! Sam is with her daughter right now, I can take you to see them if you want."

Finally, Ava leaned back onto her heels. Latham quickly plucked a napkin from the counter and gingerly handed it to her. She took it from him, wiped her mouth, she looked up at them.

Ava's eyes were welled up with tears and her hands were trembling.

"Connor" she eventually managed, settling her gaze on him. The tears started to roll down her cheeks, and as she uttered the next sentence, her voice rose an octave, "Sam's kid is called Sadie. Lexi is _my_ daughter."


	5. Family reunited

**AN: thank you all for your reviews! They make my heart do somersaults and keep egging me on to write. I know that my updates are a bit slower than we'd all like, but don't worry, I have great plans for this story :) xx**

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"Sam's kid is called Sadie. Lexi is _my_ daughter."

After dropping that bombshell, Ava leaned forwards, braced herself against the bin and threw up again, body shuddering violently on itself as she dry-heaved.

"What?" Connor asked weakly, his hands freezing on her back.

 _No way._

No freaking way.

 _No._

Ava didn't have a 5-year-old _kid_.

It couldn't be!

…or maybe, yes way?

Even though it didn't make sense, it _kinda_ did.

In retrospect, Lexi was a perfect mini-Ava. Those curls, the one hazel eye? How hadn't he seen that before? The resemblance was astounding.

Also, hadn't Maggie said that the woman in the ED, presumably Sam, was looking for an 'Alexis Baker'? Maggie could have easily misunderstood _Bekker_ for Baker; the sobbing woman hadn't been perfectly comprehensible. After all, she hadn't even corrected him when he assumed she was Lexi's mum. She'd been so relieved to hear of any news of the girl that she probably hadn't even registered his question.

But how?

How could Ava have hidden such an _integral_ part of her life from _all_ of them?

And how could she have hidden it so _effectively_?

And _why_?

Again, thinking about it, it did make sense. It wasn't as if anyone had ever asked about her personal life, even though she was constantly prying into everyone else's business. Himself included. He'd never directly asked her about her family. He'd just assumed she'd made the move to Chicago from South Africa by herself.

Plus, no matter how integral being a mother was to her identity, spontaneously telling people about her daughter would put her at a disadvantage. He'd seen it before he transferred to Gaffney med; the surgeon in question would be thought of as weaker, less committed and more vulnerable and had to fight twice as hard to be treated as competent and trustworthy as a childless surgeon. As unfair as that was, Latham would have constantly been gauging her to see if she was stressed or absent-minded or tired if he'd known about her situation at home.

Still, it felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

Ava actually had a _child_? And had he really operated on and _saved_ said daughter from dying at the hands of Trent Harris?

What if he'd _lost_ her? It had been very close after all.

 _Oh god_.

Connor had to swallow back his own bile threatening to come up his throat.

He had to keep it together for Ava's sake. He tried to collect his thoughts to form a sentence. However, it felt like hours passed once she stopped gagging before he managed, "You're a _mum_?"

He sounded stupidly astounded to his own ears.

Ava lifted her head from her arms at the bin again.

Tears were still streaming silently down her cheeks and her eyes seemed to plead with him; "Yes. I-I _need_ to see her…"

"Of course!" Connor exclaimed, finally emerging from his daze. That he could do, that was something his mind could grasp.

He stood held out a hand. Ava took it; it was freezing cold, and straightened herself out but swayed dangerously as soon as she was on her feet. Afraid she might faint and crash to the floor, he brought his free hand down on her waist.

"Can you walk?" he asked, concerned, as her eyes glazed over. He was certain that black spots were dancing in her vision.

After a moment, she was able to focus on him again. Ava nodded, so he let go of her slender body. Still, as he led the way, he didn't let go of her hand and made sure to keep very close to her, in case her body gave out.

Connor briefly glanced back at Latham and found him staring open-mouthed after them. He supposed their attending needed some time to process everything before he would join them. Connor didn't blame him; it was a _lot_ ; he himself was still grappling with the idea and he didn't have a tough time understanding others and what was sarcasm, the truth or jokes.

"Come, she should be in the PICU. She hasn't had any complications yet; I'd have otherwise been paged." Connor said as turned back to face her. He led the way out of cardiac wing, keeping her hand tightly encased in his.

Ava nodded again but seemed unable to trust her voice to say anything. Connor gave her hand a brief squeeze to convey that he understood, that he wasn't waiting for a verbal affirmation from her.

To his surprise, she squeezed it back twice, in quick succession. He smiled a bit, bemused but touched at the same time.

"Lexi squeezes my hand like that. One squeeze means 'how are you?', two means either 'not ok' or 'ok', depending on how quickly you repeat the squeeze, and three means 'I love you'" Ava explained spontaneously, voice thick.

"W-we used to use it when I came home from w-work late and s-she was almost asleep and…" she drifted off, unable to finish the sentence.

Connor stopped walking, turned slightly so that he was standing in front of her and grabbed her second hand in his.

Although her face was lifted, she was looking past him, blinking rapidly to try to control her tears. He could see the desperation in her eyes and the cruel what-if thought currently plaguing her; what if she'd never get to feel her daughter squeezing her hand again.

"Hey" he said quietly, not caring in the slightest about the looks they were eliciting, standing so close to each other like that with hands held in the middle of the busy corridor.

She reluctantly looked at him, hazel eyes were blurred with unshed tears.

He squeezed her hands twice, slowly, presuming that slow squeezes meant ok.

"It won't be long before Lexi will be squeezing your hand instead of me. While she's not out of the woods yet, the fact that she's still alive is _very_ encouraging. That girl held on for so long, despite the odds, and I'll be _damned_ to let that change. As will Latham, you know as soon as he's collected himself, he's gonna come busting up to the PICU to thoroughly check Lexi out and make sure I haven't missed anything that may result in a complication. We've _all_ got her."

Her bottom lip started to tremble. Connor couldn't help himself, he let go of her hands, cupped her cheeks and pressed a chaste kiss onto her forehead. Then, he pulled her in for a hug.

"It'll be ok" he promised against her ear as he held her to his chest. He never promised his patients and their families anything, but today, he promised Ava her daughter back. And he intended on keeping it.

He felt her reciprocating the hug. After a moment, she whispered, "Thank you."

Connor pulled back after that.

As an afterthought, Ava gave him a watery smile and added; "But stop making me cry. I'll be doing enough of that for a while now, without emotionally-touching speeches from you."

He chuckled and tentatively laced his fingers through hers again. She tightened her hand around his.

"I'll shut up, then." He assured her.

"Come on" and with that, Connor tugged her along and they hurried the rest of the way to the PICU in silence.

As the elevator doors opened onto the correct floor, Connor's eyes swept the floor. He had no idea in which room Lexi had been taken to.

Then, he spotted Doris at the counter, stapling some papers together.

"Doris!" he called, starting towards her, Ava still in tow.

Doris glanced up and grinned as she spotted them, oblivious of the atmosphere between the pair.

"Dr Rhodes, Dr Bekker! I was about to page you both. Dr Rhodes; Lexi has been settled in. She's remained stable but unconscious. Maggie brought up her mother, she said that you guys made the connection in the ED. Anyways, the mum keeps asking to see you, Dr Bekker? Has Dr Rhodes filled you in about the case already?"

Connor didn't bother correct the nurse about the mother part and Ava ignored the nurse's question towards her. While looking past Doris's shoulder, she hoarsely asked, "Where's Lexi?"

Doris finally seemed to registered Ava's tear-stained face, and how they were holding hands. In any other situation, Connor would have been amused at the double take Doris then did.

Looking thoroughly thrown back and suspicious, she stammered, "Uh… room 8? I… I'm not sure I underst-…"

"Thank you, Doris" Connor said with a smile and a submissive nod. He hurriedly led Ava on, not sparing the nurse, now surely jumping to the right conclusions, another glance.

As they rounded the corner and stopped in front of room 8, they found that the curtains were pulled in front of the glass door and walls. They couldn't see into the room.

Before proceeding, Connor softly warned Ava, "Remember, she's just had major surgery. She's on a ventilator, she has a chest tube, several IV lines and wires, you know the drill. Also, she broke some ribs… _I_ broke some ribs while resuscitating…"

Ava nodded, eyes still drowning in tears. Instead of replying verbally, she squeezed his hand twice, slowly.

Connor took that as a go-ahead. He reached for the closed door and opened it for her.

As they walked in together, he heard her breath hitch in her chest.

"Oh god!" Ava whispered as she set her eyes on her girl.

Lexi was lying square in the centre of the bed with the covers pulled up to her waist. Connor noticed that the nurses had clearly cleaned her up; Lexi's hair was neatly arranged onto her shoulders and the cuts on her arm were dressed.

The monitors above the bed showed that she was maintaining a steady, strong heartrate.

An IV pole and a blood transfuser stood close to the bed. All the tubes merged into a port in the girl's right hand, which was being gently held between both of the woman he'd met in the ED.

The woman, who Connor was 95% sure must be Ava's neighbour Sam, was looking up at them, a startled expression on her face. Connor presumed she'd been sitting quietly with her head bent before the interruption.

Ava stood rooted in front of her daughter for a moment, taking everything in, then pulled her hand free from Connor's and rushed towards the bed. Her hands hovered uncertainly above the little girl.

"Oh, Lexi!" she exclaimed softly, finally settling her hands on the girl's cheeks. Connor watched Ava lean down to the kid, knees locked against the mattress, and press her forehead against the child's, their golden curls merging. It was impossible to see where Ava's began and Lexi's ended.

Ava's eyes were screwed shut and her body trembled as she kept her forehead nudged against Lexi's. She was clearly trying to stop herself from sobbing uncontrollably.

Connor felt his throat burn. The love and fear and pain Ava was displaying was almost too intimate to watch.

The woman sitting there let go of Lexi's hand and turned her full attention to Ava. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but no words left her. Instead, she seemed to decide to wait for Ava to look up.

Movement in Connor's peripheral vision caused him to break his gaze from his colleague and her daughter.

As he glanced back, he was only half-surprised to see that Doris had backtracked to the room. She'd stopped a few metres behind him, not even pretending to read the chart she'd idly picked up. Two other nurses had joined her, also trying to look into the room past his shoulder.

Connor shot them an irritated look before firmly closing the door behind him, giving Ava some privacy from their prying eyes. Not that that would stop the news of her having a kid spreading like a contagious virus through all corridors of this place.

He turned back to the three people in the room, unable to do anything but stare.

It still seemed surreal, as if he were dreaming. God, he hoped this was a dream, that Ava would come shake his shoulders any second now and wake him; maybe he'd collapsed exhausted somewhere after Trent's surgery?

But no one interrupted this reality.

And then, Ava lifted her head from Lexi's.

There was no way he could be dreaming the utter heartbroken look displayed on her face. It was far too real.

God, so it was true.

Ava Bekker had a _daughter_ and he'd performed surgery on her. And been far too close to losing her.

Still cradling the girl's face, Ava sank into a chair opposite the woman and hoarsely addressed her, voice quavering.

"What happened, Sam? You said you were taking them to the _pier_ for ice-cream, not the park…"

The young woman shakily replied, "I-I had to change our plans. After you dropped her off, Lexi was still so sad and disappointed that you had to work, and the only way I could cheer her up was to offer to take them to the park. T-they were playing hide-and-seek when the s-shooting started. We… _I_ couldn't find her. The shots came nearer and nearer, so I just grabbed Sadie and r-ran…"

The guilt in her features was evident. Connor was filled for pity for Sam. She must've been through hell; struggling with the possibility that the girl she'd been babysitting, who'd been her responsibility, might have died.

"I'm so sorry" Ava whispered in response, addressing both Sam and Lexi.

However, the apology seemed to anger Sam.

"Why didn't you ever pick up your phone? I've been trying to reach you _all day_!" she asked exasperated. Her demeaner began to change towards irritation.

"I misplaced it…" Ava said, tears slipping down her cheeks. The guilt in _her_ features was very evident, too.

" _Misplaced it?_ Do you have any idea what hell I went through? I had to console my own kid, who'd just been in a shooting, and I was going _crazy_ not knowing where yours was! I had to leave Sadie home alone while I went round to all hospitals looking for _your kid_ , not knowing if I'd find her dead or alive! And I couldn't reach you!" she said, still sounding desperate.

After a small pause, she then exploded.

"This is all _your_ fault! Maybe if you were a better mum, you wouldn't have gone to work today, you'd have been there for your daughter for once, huh? Then, I wouldn't have had to babysit her today. I wouldn't have gone to the park. My kid wouldn't be waiting alone at home, terrified that her best friend is dead!" she hissed.

Ava shook her head lightly in disbelief but didn't manage to say anything.

So, Connor sternly intervened, "That's enough. Sam, please step outside."

The woman glared at the pair and stormed out.

Once the room was clear, Connor stepped closer to the bed.

Ava turned to him, her bottom lip wobbling.

"Ava…" he started.

She beat him to it. "She's not wrong, Connor."

She was still wearing her tell-tale guilt-ridden expression; it was identical to the one she'd worn after the incident with their patient Bruce; when she had realised that it had been _her_ instrument that had almost killed the patient.

Her eyes had had that same dejected, horrified and devastated look to them as they did now.

He firmly shook his head, "No. Sam just said all of that to make you hurt, as payback for the horrible day she's been through. I can't imagine the fear and responsibility she was feeling. If Lexi had died, she would've felt accountable."

Ava shook her head too; "But _I_ am responsible for this. Have I really just saved countless of lives for the price of my _daughter's_? All day long, I just _assumed_ she was safe… I didn't even bother to phone them to check up because I was so busy! And all that time, she was lying in some _ditch, dying?_ "

A sob escaped her chest.

Connor pulled her in for a bear hug for the second time that day.

"Listen to me" he growled softly, gripping her to his body as she started to sob in earnest, "This is _not_ your fault. You had no way of suspecting they went to the park; after all, they weren't meant to go there. You didn't do _anything_ wrong."

In between heaves, she protested; "Y-you h-heard Sam. Lexi was inconsolable because I was w-working on a day when she didn't have school… I didn't even check up on them, I had no idea that _my own daughter_ was missing… What sort of a mum am I?"

Connor rocked her as she continued to cry into his neck. He took his time to gather his thoughts into a convincing argument; he needed her to believe him.

Eventually, her sobs turned into sniffles. So, he gently said, "Ava, what could you have done? Not shown up for work? Not show up for work every time it's a bank holiday and your daughter doesn't have school? Then what? You'd eventually be fired for unreliability. What sort of a mum would you be then if you couldn't provide for your daughter? Ava, you have no fault in this. Look at Natalie, she didn't know if her son was at the park or not. Did she leave hospital to look for him? Would you have if you'd known Sam was taking the kids to the park?"

Ava pulled back but let him keep his hands on her shoulders. She admitted, "I told Nat not to let her mind to go to a dark place without knowing for sure."

Connor smiled softly; "Exactly. So, if you'd suspected they were at the park, or even if you'd talked to Sam and knew she'd lost Lexi, would you have done anything different than you did today?"

When she didn't say anything, he replied for her, looking deeply into her eyes. "You _wouldn't_ have. You would have heeded to the advice you gave Natalie. You would have had faith that she managed to get out alone, or that a good Samaritan helped her escape, or that if God forbid she'd gotten hurt, the paramedics had found her and taken her into a hospital."

He concluded; "You haven't done anything wrong, Ava. As for what sort of a mum you are, I have no idea. Up until 10 minutes ago, I didn't even _know_ you were one. But from what I've seen, if you're just half as dedicated to surgery as you are to being a mum, then I'd say you're terrific."

Ava finally managed a timid smile. It was so small that he almost missed it. The corners of her lips barely twitched; but that baby smile was there.

"What did I say about not making me cry?" she reminded him, wiping the wetness on her cheeks away with the back of her hand.

As he returned the smile, he let go of her shoulders and she added; "I suppose I owe you a lot of explanations, don't I?"

"You don't have to tell me anything right now. Spend some time with Lexi. But, once you're up to it, I'd love to hear about… well, everything."

"Ok" she agreed.

He watched her turn to the bed and gingerly lay herself next to her daughter. She took great care not the jostle the tiny figure beside her. Once she was propped up on her side right next to the girl, Ava carefully slipped one arm under Lexi's head and held her hand with the other arm. Finally, she rested her head against the girl's and closed her eyes. Tears continued to escape her eyes.

Connor felt his heart constrict again. Even though he wanted to give Ava some privacy, he couldn't bring himself to leave. Eventually, he simply sank into a chair, watching the pair.


	6. Trusted revelations

**Umm... so it's been a while huh...**

 ***laughs nervously, proceeds to slo** **wly back away** **and take cover***

 **I do plan on finishing this story, even if it's taking longer than we'd all like. Thank you all for your awesome reviews! xx**

* * *

Although he wanted nothing more than to sleep like Ava, Connor knew he first had to dictate the surgical notes for Lexi's surgery very precisely. He was sure that both Latham and Ava would pour over them as soon as they were available to see exactly each and every step he'd taken.

So, fighting to keep his eyes from rolling backwards into his skull and oblivion from taking over, he carefully penned out exactly what he had done.

And what felt like hours later but probably was only 30 minutes, he found himself concluding by writing that he used wires to close the sternum and an interrupted stitch for the skin incisions.

As his numb fingers dropped the pen, he allowed himself to sink lower in the armchair by the bed he was in to finally get comfortable.

His limbs felt so heavy, not to mention the ache throbbing in each and every bone.

Oh, there was no way he was moving from here anytime soon. It had been the craziest and longest day ever and he was _exhausted._ Plus, Latham still hadn't come up to see his fellow's daughter, and Connor couldn't leave in case anything happened to the girl.

Before closing out the dim room to give his dry eyes a rest, he glanced at Ava and Lexi.

Ava had fallen asleep, curled around the small girl, one arm still under her head, her cheek resting on the nest of blonde curls. She was breathing slowly and deeply, attesting to the fact that she was actually sleeping, not just resting with her eyes closed. Still, the occasional tear slipped down her cheeks. Even in her sleep, his colleague was hurting.

His heart jolted in some emotion… protectiveness? He couldn't quite tell.

 _I won't sleep deeply_ he tried to fool himself as he crossed his arms and continued to study Ava. He needed to stay alert in case anything happened.

Ha. His eyes snapped right shut.

"Connor."

Someone was gently shaking his shoulders.

He cracked his eyes open, bright light flooding his field of vision. He blinked wearily as his pupils constricted. Finally, he could make out Ava, sitting up on the bed, leaning towards him.

She smiled timidly while he became reoriented, undoubtedly amused by the slack expression on his face. Everything that had happened quickly came crashing back down on him.

"What happened?" he asked, sitting up straight again, almost bumping into Ava who hadn't leaned back away from him yet.

As she scooted backwards, restoring some space between them, he fearfully looked up at the monitors, half-expecting to find the girl crashing.

Luckily, he was wrong; while Lexi's pressure was far too low for his liking, everything was holding steadily.

"How much time has passed?" he added wearily but more calmly, rubbing his eyes before properly looking around the room.

And finally, he noticed that they weren't alone. Latham stood by the foot of the bed, gripping the rail with both of his hands, a dumbfounded expression on his face.

"Apparently it's been around 8 hours since we came up to the ICU." Ava said, stifling a yawn.

She glanced at Latham, too, who still hadn't offered anything, and turned back to Connor, tilting her head to get him to lean in closer to her. He obliged, resting his elbows on his knees as he brought his head close to hers.

She quietly explained, "Dr Latham just arrived minutes ago. He woke me when he came into the room; the whooshing of these doors isn't exactly the quietest, but he hasn't really said much yet… He just stared at the three of us for a solid 10 minutes, then said, 'So, this _is_ real. I've spent the last 8 hours trying to figure out if you and Dr Rhodes were just trying to pull an elaborate prank on me.'"

"What?" Connor said, a lopsided smile spreading on his lips.

Ava smiled back. Despite how red and haunted-looking her eyes were, despite how the smile was just a ghost compared to her normal smiles, she was still so beautiful.

"Oh, that's not the best part. Then he said, 'I thought, maybe you two wanted to get laid in peace without having to help out in writing all the surgical post-op notes. It would've worked; it took me 8 hours to gather myself and come looking for you; didn't it?"

"No way!" Connor exclaimed, his smile morphing into a grin. Since their heads were mere inches away from each other, he noticed a light tinge of colour appearing in her cheeks. It was extremely faint but definitely there.

"I'll have to come up with some other extravagant excuse then, next time" he joked heavily, giving her a little wink. She rolled her eyes and he stood up, stretching his back.

"Afternoon, well, good evening, Dr Latham" Connor said more loudly, addressing their superior while unhooking his stethoscope.

Latham finally looked up from the girl. His expression was undecipherable; with his widened eyes and slack jaw he looked shaken to the core.

"Dr Rhodes" he acknowledged before looking at his watch. "I think you meant, good night, as it's currently 11pm. Never mind, that's unimportant, isn't it?"

Before their boss could spiral into incoherency, Connor picked up the charts and handed them to him.

"Here are my surgical notes. I believe this is the easiest and quickest way for you to gain maximum context of my part of the story."

"Thank you, I must admit I feel rather… overwhelmed…"

As Latham extended a shaky hand and accepted the charts, Connor turned to Ava. "Did you wanna read them, too?"

She immediately shook her head, "Not… not just yet…"

He nodded in understanding. Being a surgeon, he didn't know if he would want to read his child's surgical report if he were in that position, either. Actually being able to _understand_ the extent of injury and how imminent death had been certainly wasn't something to be taken lightly.

"W-was she down for long?" she asked. "I don't need all the details, not yet, just tell me this, will she wake? Or did she suffer an anoxic brain injury while..?"

Connor quickly shook his head; "Don't you remember that I had told you she came to in the ED? That's how I knew her name."

"Sh-she did?"

"Yeah" he said softly, "While she was asystole on arrival, I got her back and she woke up. She was alert, responsive and showed spontaneous movement in all limbs."

Ava nodded vigorously, new tears spilling down her cheeks. Connor comfortingly rubbed her arm, not unlike how she had earlier in the day after Trent's surgery, he was sure 'asystole on arrival' was bombarding through her head.

"Fuck, _asystole_ on arrival?" she managed weakly, just as he had anticipated.

He squeezed her arm.

"Yeah."

She half-turned towards him, "Y-you could've just pronounced her DOA. Asystole… you didn't have to try resuscitation; the odds of success are so negligibly low… Oh god…"

He squeezed her arm again; "Hey, I know it was close, but don't dwell on something that did not happen. It won't do you any good."

She looked away, so he let go of her arm and gently cupped her chin, coaxing her to look back up at him.

"Understood?"

"I… I just… I feel so… liable, Connor" she admitted, still crying silently.

"That feeling is normal" he said, dropping his hand from her face lest he started to stroke her cheeks comfortingly or something. The line he was tethering on was extremely thin after all.

And he understood how she felt, really he did. God knows he felt guilty when his mother committed suicide. It took him years to recognise that he wasn't to blame. "But it's also untrue. Trust me; you're not to blame for this. You don't get to torture yourself, ok?"

She reluctantly nodded.

"Good" he said softly, before turning away.

"Let's have a listen, Lexi, huh?" he addressed the girl while freeing his stethoscope and popping the earpieces in. He gently eased the bell under her gown and listened to both of her lungs.

"Your lungs are bilaterally clear and there is no free fluid surrounding your heart." he told the girl softly, relieved. That meant there was no rebleeding within the lungs and no developing oedema, which would be indicatory of heart failure developing from the trauma.

"She's strong" he said louder, standing straight again and glancing down at Ava at his side.

She was staring at her kid, tears still streaming silently. She opened and closed her mouth, unable to say what she wanted to and at that moment, it hit him again how lost and small she looked. Her slightly hunched posture, loose bun coming undone with chunks of hair fanning her face, wet cheeks and eyes full of despair and fear all felt like punches to the gut.

He wanted nothing more than to shield her from all of this, to take the pain instead of her.

But there wasn't anything he could do to take her pain away at that moment.

All he could do was take her cold hand in one of his, the feeling of which was becoming very familiar quickly. He squeezed it twice.

He didn't know it, but it was plenty. That little physical comfort he was offering her, that hand squeezing hers, was keeping her secured to reality.

He felt her lean against his arm.

The comfortable silence that fell was interrupted too soon by Latham clearing his voice. He shuffled around the bed so that he was standing opposite his fellows.

"Drs Bekker, Rhodes … I simply cannot find the words to express the turmoil I'm feeling inside at all of this. If it's so awful for myself, I cannot even begin to imagine what you're feeling, Ava."

She inclined her head at him.

Latham then addressed Connor, "Dr Rhodes, from your pre- and postop notes for… Lexi…" he tried out the name, "everything you did was _perfect_. If I didn't have faith in you, this would have restored it. You're an exceptionally fine surgeon."

Connor smiled tiredly, but couldn't bask long in the glory of the compliment; "Unfortunately, the girl's pressure is still on the low side, and with the blood transfusions and IV fluids she's received in the past hours, they should definitely be better. I suspect there may be a site of rebleeding; a stitch may have ruptured somewhere. It needs to be evaluated lest a pseudoaneurysm develops."

Connor glanced at Ava. Her face looked pained but she seemed to have been suspecting the same for she didn't protest.

"Are you suggesting an exploratory laparotomy?" Connor asked.

Latham sighed; "Yes, I am."

Ava nodded and softly said "Yeah, go ahead, you have my consent of course."

"Very well, I shall go inform the OR and assemble a team. I see no reason why this should be delayed. Enough time has passed from the previous surgery for DIC not to be of a concern. Dr Bekker, you are aware that you won't be allowed to watch the surgery from the gallery?"

" _Dr Latham_ " she began to protest, straightening up, breaking the contact of her arm to Connor's but not letting go of his hand.

She looked appalled. She opened her mouth, a string of reasons why he should allow her no doubt on the tip of her tongue, but Latham held up a finger sternly, "This is non-negotiable. Don't push it, because if I feel that I can't trust you to obey, I'll bench Dr Rhodes from being in that OR in favour of tasking him with babysitting you to make sure you stay put in the waiting area."

She clenched her jaw shut and squeezed Connor's hand hard as she fought her urge to argue and attempt reaching a compromise.

Did that mean she considered the stakes to be high? Did she prefer him in the OR, overseeing her kid, rather than outside with her where she had a fair chance of convincing him to sneak her into the gallery after all?

She really trusted him, didn't she?

Ava didn't say anything. After a moment, a satisfied Latham said, "Good. Please give me your access card, you'll get it back after the surgery."

He held out his hand.

Connor felt Ava moving against him as she unclipped her badge from her waist with her free hand. She reluctantly gave Latham the card, who immediately pocketed it and turned to Connor.

"Dr Rhodes, are you comfortable with being the lead on this laparostomy? After all you've done for her already…" he waved the chart in the air, "…it is my opinion that you should get to see this case through till the end. I'll be your second."

Painfully aware of Ava's gaze on him, Connor replied without breaking eye contact with Latham, "Yes, of course."

Her hand finally relaxed again.

"And there are no personal reasons between you two that shouldn't be allowing me to let you do this?"

He glanced at their entwined hands.

"No, Dr Latham, I assure you that Dr Bekker and I share nothing but a professional relationship."

Latham scrutinised them, Connor had to fight not to squirm under their superior's heavy gaze even though that was the truth. If feelings didn't count, at least.

He seemed to believe them.

"Very well. I shall be back to take Lexi up once we're ready to begin."

With that, Latham gave them a curt nod and left the room.

"Connor" Ava immediately said, tugging at his hand to get him to look at her.

As expected, she looked panicked. "Connor, I _can't_ just sit in the waiting room, I can't…"

"I know" he cut her off. There was no way she _wasn't_ going to talk him into letting her watch, so he didn't even bother trying to fight with her.

"I have Robin's old access card in my locker, you can use it to sneak into the gallery, but you have to promise that you won't look. You need to sit on the floor, under the window. Otherwise, Latham will see you, plus you shouldn't see your kid being cut open."

Ava nodded, "But I'll be able to listen to what's happening?"

"Yes. I'll give you subtle verbal explanations of what is going on, ok?"

She sighed, relieved; he could see the tension in her shoulders easing.

"Thank you, Connor. You've… _thank you_."

"You're welcome" he replied softly.

They smiled at each other. Then, she let go of his hand and sank into one of the armchairs. He followed suit, watching her watch Lexi.

"You kept your ex-girlfriend's access card?" she asked eventually, a trace of humour in her voice.

"Hey, you don't get to hold that against me when I'm _helping_ you with it!"

She nudged her shoulder against his, "Fine, I'll prod you about it later then, after you've 'helped' me."

Connor chuckled and raised his arm instinctively. He was about to loop it around her shoulders and rest it there when he realised what he was doing.

 _Crap, what the hell, man?_ He quickly improvised by stretching his arms above his head, his back cracking audibly.

When he settled down again, she cleared her voice.

"I-I was one year away from completing residency when I got pregnant."

He quickly reassured her, "Ava, I know I said I'd like to know about your life, what led up to this, but you don't have to tell me now, in fact, you don't have to tell me at all if you don't want to, you don't owe me an explanation."

She nudged her shoulder against his again, "I _want_ to tell you. At least, the gist of the story. And I know you're burning with curiosity…"

He agreed, "True that!"

"So yeah, I was 25 years old and it was unplanned, of course…"

She drifted off, clearly lost in her thoughts.

Connor gently helped her back into the right track of thoughts, "Is Lexi's father in the picture?"

She immediately shook her head, "Oh, no. We don't have anything to do with each other anymore. He had made it clear from the start of our relationship that he wanted nothing to do with children. I was ok with that; I was training to become a surgeon, kids weren't _anywhere_ on my mind. And we were careful, really; the pill must've just failed…"

She shrugged; "Anyways, I found out when I was about 9 weeks along, when I couldn't blame the absence on 2 consecutive periods on stress. As I waited for the 3 minutes of the test to be up, I was so nervous. I couldn't become a mum, I was sure I would resent the kid from keeping me from my studies, that I'd fail at motherhood by not being able to love it like a parent should. But when I saw that plus sign, I was done for."

She laughed quietly, "I was so in love. Knowing for sure that there was another individual within me, _my baby_ , my nerves and fears disappeared. That was that; I was gonna be a mother. Of course I was gonna love my kid. My previous fears seemed so irrational all of a sudden!"

He couldn't help but smile as he considered her. The way her eyes lit up, talking about her unplanned pregnancy, was so beautiful.

Still staring, he noticed how her smile faded to a ghost and her eyes got a faraway look in them once again. Eventually, she continued. "It wasn't the same for him. I mean, I expected there to be blaming, some shouting, despair, asking if abortion was an option, and eventual acceptance, when I would tell him. I envisioned him falling in love at the ultrasound and becoming the best father despite initial doubts; frankly I was sure there'd be a ring on my finger before the baby was born...

But I hadn't anticipated just how completely he would lose it - I was _so_ unprepared for his reaction. I told him that same evening and he completely lost it. He screamed at me, demanded to know how I could be so stupid and that I had to get an abortion. when ii said there was no way I was aborting, that I was having this baby with or without him, he left the sitting room and went into our bedroom. I followed him and found him throwing my purse, passport and a change of clothes into a bag, then, before I knew what was happening, he grabbed me firmly by the arm and dragged me to the door. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong. It was awful; he just shoved me out into the pouring rain without a second glance before slamming the door shut. I heard him shout, 'we're done!' and I begged him to let me back in, not to give up on us for the sake of our child, for me... I loved him..."

Connor didn't interrupt, he let her take the time to compose herself again. "That door remained shut. I moved in with my best friend for a couple of months; she would have housed me for longer but I moved out cos I was causing stress between her and her girlfriend. I actually found the perfect two-bedroomed apartment within walking distance from the hospital I worked at. Oh, did I mention that my mum wasn't and still isn't on speaking terms to me since that time?"

He shook his head, shocked. From experience, he knew how not having a mother's support hurts. While he'd only experienced lack of support because of his mother's untimely death, he couldn't imaging how painful it would be having one's own mother not speak to you and be there for you. "How come? Don't tell me she's super religious and wanted you to beg your boyfriend to take you back?"

Ava smiled weakly, "You're perceptive, aren't you? Yeah, she was furious I was unwed and expecting and wanted nothing to do with 'it' unless I was married and had been forgiven by a priest. Not that I myself am religious and would've sought forgiveness..."

She shrugged and continued, "Anyways, life moved on and I started planning for motherhood. I made the apartment home with baby furniture and made arrangements with my hospital; they granted me an intercalated year for after the birth with guaranteed return when I was ready."

"Very generous of them!" Connor said, somewhat surprised.

She chuckled; "I was their best surgical intern, I wasn't too surprised but grateful nonetheless."

She sighed, and Connor correctly read her; "But something happened, didn't it?"

Ava smiled sadly, "You are indeed very perceptive. Yeah. One evening, the doorbell rung and I found _him_ standing in front of my door, holding a bunch of tulips and looking remorseful. I was so naïve, Connor, I fell to his begs for me to have a talk with him over coffee and invited him in. He had brought me lemon muffins; not my favourite, so I only took one to be polite. Luckily, for I started feeling lightheaded 10 minutes after. And then, just as he was telling me how he'd been asking about me and missed me and wondered if I could forgive him for throwing him out, just as I asked, 'What about the baby?' and he said he'd rather become a father than lose me, just as he pushed the muffins towards me to encourage me to have another, the first contraction came."

Connor frowned in horror, putting the pieces together, "He didn't…"

She met his eyes and nodded sadly; "He did."

"How?"

"Ergometrine."

Of course, a relatively easy to find drug that causes uterine contractions. While he knew it's not typically used to induce an abortion in a medical setting, due to uterine contractions it causes, blood supply to the placenta could be cut off, killing the baby.

Incredulous, he managed, "How far along were you?"

"Almost 21 weeks."

"Far too early to deliver in case of placental compromise or successful onset of labour!" Connor said, shuddering a bit.

Ava nodded and continued her story; "Yup. I may have been naïve but I wasn't stupid, I immediately correlated everything. I left the living room with the excuse of getting us more coffee to discuss everything further, but headed straight to the bathroom. I locked the door, called to cops and then black spots began to appear in my vision. I suspected he'd laced the muffins with Valium, too, or something to knock me out and force-feed or inject more ergometrine if needed. Anyways, I was dimly aware of him banging the door sometime later, trying to get in. And the next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital bed".

"Jesus" Connor muttered. "What happened in the meantime?"

"He bolted before he managed to get in but they caught him that same day. In the meantime, doctors had performed forced diuresis on me, stitched by cervix closed and given me vasodilators. Luckily my waters hadn't broken despite how quickly I had responded and dilated to the drug, and eventually I was given the all-clear. Joshua was arrested and pled guilty. The judge stripped him off parental rights and he served 3 years in prison."

She glanced up at Connor and smiled. "And I went on to recover fully, I didn't lose any digits; the doctors were worried for a second, and I didn't go into labour either, not until I was 38 weeks along."

Connor whistled softly; "Wow! That is the craziest background story of a family that I have ever heard!"

She chuckled dryly, "Trust me, it didn't exactly calm down from then onwards."

"No?" he raised an eyebrow.

Ava gestured at the room, "To be honest, since she came into my world it's been non-stop! The support my colleagues showed me to help me reach where I am now was incredible - I was given an intercalated year after the birth which was extended to almost 2 years; I returned part-time months before her second birthday. I know it's not ideal, but I left her at day care and spent all of my breaks next to her. And by her 3rd year I became enrolled in my CT fellowship. After that I was given the opportunity to move to Chicago to complete my second year and well, here we are.""

"And how come were you ready with residency already?" Connor asked, confused about the fact that she immediately was given a fellowship. He'd been roughly 25 when he'd started his _residency_!

She smiled smugly, "Let's just say that I was always ambitious and skipping years was considered a privilege and encouraged. I started med school at 16 and was meant to finish residency 3 months after Lexi's birth. I officially finished residency during the first year back at work after her birth."

"Not bad at all", he admitted.

She grinned, then fell silent, gaze falling back to the girl.

A knock on the door burst their little bubble. Connor jumped a little, he'd almost forgotten they were waiting for the go-ahead to go up to the OR. His heart panged as the doors whooshed open, the conversation that had been flowing so easily, so freely, between the two of them was now severed. Whenever had they talked that intimately before? And would they ever again, a nagging part of his mind voiced? After he stabilised her girl and she got to go home, wouldn't everything go back to normal?

"Dr Rhodes, it's time" nurse Jenny said, further kicking their moment to the corner. She entered, tailed by Doris whose eyes immediately feasted on all the details possible. The two women began to make the necessary arrangements to transport Lexi.

Ava sat straight up, biting her lower lip hard.

"Hey" Connor said, getting her attention immediately.

"I know what I'm doing" he said lightly, just a tad arrogantly to break the atmosphere.

"I know" she whispered.

Connor nodded, then quietly said, "You know what _you_ have to do. You know which one's mine."

She nodded back at him, "I do, I'll go as soon as you take her so that I can settle down…" _away from the window before Dr Latham or anyone else in that OR can see me sneak in_ hanging unfinished in the air.

"Go now" he suggested, half-shrugging. _Won't make a difference if you say goodbye now or in 5 minutes, right?_

Reluctantly, she nodded.

"Thank you" she whispered, new tears shining in her eyes.

He nodded, suddenly finding himself with a lump in his throat.

Ava turned to Lexi and Connor looked away as she hugged or kissed or brushed her daughter's hair affectionately to the side, he didn't know which. He needed to tune into surgeon mode and Ava's love would make him too emotional to focus.

Instead, he closed his eyes and went through all the procedure in his mind and possible findings it might yield until the nurses were ready to transport Lexi, only dimly aware of that whiff of perfume and renewed whooshing of doors as Ava left.


End file.
